goriji ;)

Mehri Sri Lumba Kala Sundar kaha hai? lol :P

answers about gori page ;)

Tik.. whether it’s yeh gori’s MIM (mentally ill midget lol) ha3ker ex sanam, or stage fright or kuch bhi.. tum desi yaaron really haven’t asked gori any of the stupid, annoying, overly-repetitive questions she’s soooo used to, as u were asked to do ๐Ÿ˜‰ in the comments section of the former incarnation of this page (‘questions for gori’) na? So I’m gonna fill in some blanks for u now k? ๐Ÿ˜‰

2008 hai. New Yaar (Sri LKS yaar) ki gori hai na? ๐Ÿ™‚

So (step a) check yeh gori bio-stats aur FAQ below (note to gori self: make new blog pg lampooning desi Hinglish attempts to hybridize/over-abbreviate words, usually semi-literately/incorrectly next time I am bored, starting with shaadi.com-esque words like ‘bio stats’ lmao).. lekin gori digresses..

(step b) If u can get past the sarcasm & like what u read there, then do the ‘R U Sri Lumba Kala Sundar?’ gori dating quiz (that’s a direct link na?) & apply for the position with gori tik? ๐Ÿ˜€ It will be open applications until I find him na? ๐Ÿ˜€ Jaldi karo! U wanna get in line before the other 500,000,000+ desi males na? ๐Ÿ˜›

BTW That’s the actual reason I’m here doing this blog (did u figure that out yet? lol).. well ur ek step ahead of yeh peeps just here to ogle mehri photos na? ๐Ÿ˜‰ bonus point for u! lol ๐Ÿ˜›

So gori.. aap kaun hai na? Here are answers to ur most burning (repetitive, annoying) questions.. btw, if u get a blank stare next time u ask one of these directly of gori, u know why..

Oh wait first, almost forgot: (step c) for visuals of gori, refer to gori garam photos pg, na? It will explain much ๐Ÿ™‚

Aur first (step d (or b.2?) here’s the bio data, kind of:

most importantly, despite appearances, gori player *nahin* hai na? Unless u count the kind who plays for keeps ๐Ÿ™‚ As refuted further in point (sat) of FAQ below ๐Ÿ˜‰ gori is looking to settle down yeh sexy Sri Lumba Kala Sundar ko sirf na? Settle down kamra mein ๐Ÿ˜‰ not for ek long winter’s nap either ๐Ÿ˜‰ tee hee… phir seriously, gori nahin rapchik maal na? So please don’t assume things like that.. it’s much appreciated ๐Ÿ˜› Phir bhi despite appearance that gori garam masti hai, out partying & checking out voh yaaron all day long, gori is actually pretty bored right now in absence of ek significant relationship aur hoping to hook up with (aur subsequently settle down with) her Sri LKS.. so committment-phobes don’t bother trying lol.. like voh partnerforlife.com ads (too bad yeh site for gay boyz hain sirf)… ‘ek garam raatein accha hai, spooning is better’… ‘M4M accha hai.. LTR is better’ etc ๐Ÿ˜›

sigh… something else that bears repeating here for those with short memories ๐Ÿ˜‰ or those not coming here directly from Craigslist is: gori’s ideal Sri Lumba Kala Sundar (aur possibly crorepati na?) besides being LKS ๐Ÿ˜‰ would be ek sincere, considerate, garam masti (metlab gori slang for hot/sexy ๐Ÿ˜‰ intelligent individual who is well-traveled, nahin totally Amrikanized (probably pardesi of some type), understanding his culture/speaking the language(s) etc.. ideally Hindu (though gori realizes there’s bahut Catholic Southie peeps..), possibly having lived in a number of places outside India/US (or traveled much).. a kind, honest (hint: this immediately disqualifies many of you, cough cough) person of integrity (as gori explains futher below) who doesn’t think gori is some kind of exotic str1pper (sigh), lekin realizes behind her choochay ๐Ÿ˜› is an intelligent, sensitive (aur feminist, diyan lol) person deserving of equality, loyalty aur respect. Because of course gori will be giving voh sub cheez (uh.. whoops.. metlab ‘all these things’ lmao), plus more in return. Bahut masti in bed, ๐Ÿ˜€ steadfastness of heart, maturity aur ability to help gori learn Hindi (or Tamil, Telugu etc.. etc..) properly, plus the ability to tolerate sitting through gori’s beloved Shah Rukh filims = major bonus points ๐Ÿ˜€ Oh, plus don’t forget the custom Mini Cooper ๐Ÿ˜‰ lmao ๐Ÿ˜›

Lekin I digress.. most of you are probably here to read stuff like this instead na?:

gori 5’5″ hai (more like 5’8″ in moderate heels = way u will usually find gori na?)

gori goron hai na? (see photos tik? ..well mostly goron plus thodi Macedonian, Native American n’other unidentified cheez thrown in like most Amrikans ๐Ÿ˜‰

38DD, size 16 bottom half (again, see photos lol) = curvyji na? ๐Ÿ˜€ If u don’t like that, then don’t bother going further! ๐Ÿ˜€ though who wouldn’t like yeh 38DD part na? thought so ๐Ÿ˜‰

bal rang apoorva (neela, hara aur baingan) plus blondie, long w/bangs (that’s ‘fringe’ to u peeps, which incidentally, is reserved for pillows (uh, metlab ‘cushions’) ๐Ÿ˜› in ferengi Angrezi dialect spoken Amrika mein na?) ๐Ÿ˜‰ tee hee

gori *sez* she’s 33.. well, just turned 34.. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Lekin of course I can pass for 28 if needed for ur family ๐Ÿ˜‰ lmao..

suno, gori is ek unusual sort of gori.. bahut cheezes (tee hee) can be understood by reading below.. basically the situation is: seeking yeh sexy Sri Lumba Kala Sundar LTR sirf! (yeh gori dating questionnaire will clarify this for both of us, na?) Nahin married ulloos, nahin other stupidity na? Nahin clueless goron or ABCDs for that matter! (go ahead, if ur one of the types I just said 2u not to bother: try taking yeh quiz anyhow, it’s fun for gori to watch it chew u up & spit u out na? lmao evil laugh) Who IS supposed to answer? Yeh garam single pardesi, we hope! Oh whoops: be SURE to check out yeh instructions, yeh page mein: Are U Sri LKS instructions page ESPECIALLY if it looks like ur getting stuck on the same page of the questionnaire, or going in loops (it means ur f*ing up na? not that the quiz doesn’t work lol).. just FYI ๐Ÿ˜›
Please note: gori is OVER yeh typical lying/objectifying/ulloo desi ladka + his fake/racist (ha)/insincere attitude towards gori (plus yeh goris in general- ha! gori *does* know all about ur little ulloo babu desi mind games.. gori will majorly p0wn the f**k out of anyone transgressing even mildly upon her, without giving any warning whatsoever -gori diyan hai na? see below for details) so sirf the most honest, emotionally individuated (look it up, sort of quasi psychology term na?), aur hopefully at least somewhat experienced of u all, with the MOST BACKBONE of anyone of ur race (k, incorrect term, since Hindustanis r mass # of ethnic groups phir bhi..) need apply.. anyhow.. u’s gonna have to be brave, strong, committed, & basically ek bahut atypical desi yaar in order to cut it with gori, who’s been p0wned herself (utterly unsuspectingly, like most goris the losers among u prey on) by evil desi sanam(s) past mein ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Got it? So u gotta be self-confident na? Not puffed up ulloo ‘I think I’m ek stud’ over-confident, just confident, especially in terms of who u are (nascent concept for most desis) na?

Don’t forget that being bahut kala (we’re talking major Southie, like Tamil -yummies, or Sri Lankan/Fijian-style kala na?), bahut lumba (like 6’0″ or taller) aur bahut sundar ๐Ÿ˜‰ gives u major bonus points tik? ๐Ÿ˜€ That’s why it’s called ‘Aap Sri Lumba Kala Sundar, na?’ ๐Ÿ˜€

With that taken care of ๐Ÿ˜€ probably most of the rest is explained in detail below. If u wanna hear BS like that I enjoy walks on yeh beach, playing with kuttoos ๐Ÿ˜‰ (how do you say puppies na?- I don’t btw, I like billyan na? lol) aur some ugly photo of me pretending to own ek Beemer while I’m actually going for a test drive in the (used) car lot or squatting (? wtf btw?) in ‘nature’ next to yeh highway on any given boring road Amrika mein, well gori don’t play that since gori has an entire wall of desi ghudah photos like that purani CL personal ad respondents se that she uses as ek dartboard na? ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s good indoor sport when the weather’s cold na? ๐Ÿ˜€ In other words, I would never bore u with yeh cheez ๐Ÿ˜‰ Sirf mehri long long blog instead ๐Ÿ˜‰ (joke na? sigh).. anyhow…

Most importantly (step e or b.3): read yeh FAQ. Here we go (ranked by the # of times: I’ve been asked this sh** by desi yaar craigslist personals respondees/level of irritation felt at having to re-explain same ulloo cheez over & over/general stupidity of question- highest scoring approximately first):

  • ek) q: ‘How do u know all this stuff about India? Did u live there? blah blah blah?’

a: <sigh> (Pre-emptively practicing mehri New Yaar, uh Year, hang-over ‘it’s WAY too bright yeh kamra mein’ attitude): Nahin. Gori never lived Hindustan mein, especially Mumbai mein nahin ๐Ÿ˜‰ tee hee.. Gori is just super-genius IQ gori (like 162 points na?) aur she picks up stuff about language easily/is bahut accha (lmao) at imitation.. like she says ‘nayeen’ like SRK abi na? Dost Bangalore se boliye, ‘Gori, it’s nah-HEEN’.. gori is like: ‘NAYEEN’ because she watches too much Bolly filim (yey SRK! vluvSRK) na? Who cares! ๐Ÿ˜› Point is, gori had some ulloo ex-sanams who taught her Hindi stuff, plus ex-dost would-be Punjabi sanam who taught her to write Hindi, back in the day.. rest is history.. don’t feel like explaining this more lol.. next! ๐Ÿ˜‰

PS before u yucky Angrezi wanna-bes get excited, gori’s goal is to live Mumbai mein at least a few months each year na? ๐Ÿ˜€ Aur set up non-profit to house dalitjis properly aur help them with economic sustainability na? ๐Ÿ˜€ So there ๐Ÿ˜›

do) q: (usually asked by some annoying ABCD or goron wanting (lekin failing) to date gori- use annoying nasal Amrikan accent for this question) ‘Why do you like Shiva?’ (which they undoubtedly would pronounce incorrectly as ‘SHEE-vah’ instead of ‘Shih-vah’, were gori unfortunate enough to actually be physically in their presence, sigh..) ‘..Just curious but, what got u interested in Hinduism? I know tantric yoga :P.. blah blah ad stupidity pick-up line nauseum’..

a: ugg. I have been a sort of ad-hoc Hindu for a long time (since goris, especially real ferengi Amrikan goris whose submissions to Blogbarti aur Desi Punditji search engines are TOTALLY IGNORED despite mehri massive hits & their (fake) supposed ‘we accept all bloggers regardless of ethnicity as long as subject is South Asian-related + outspoken/controversial bonus points’ = supposed criteria for latter search engine.. fits gori perfectly na? ๐Ÿ˜‰ kuch bhi..) anyhow… such goris are apparently NOT ALLOWED to be considered actual Hindus (hypocrites!) ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ..btw no comment lekin Desi Pundit search engine even has ek page about how they ‘*DON’T TAKE BRIBES* hint hint’.. gori wonders about this na?)

ek digression lekin: if u want to recommend ๐Ÿ˜€ gori’s outstanding blog ๐Ÿ˜€ in order to add to the professed ‘diversity’ of the f’ing stupid millions of FOB forced marriage/Amrika house prisoner mein/green card or work permit nahin curry recipe ‘sirf betas’ desi mommy bloggers aur semi-literate (lekin still attempting to blog in) English boring arrogant (male desi) fools going ON & ON about current news events, then click here aur here– shukriya! ๐Ÿ˜€

Uh, back to answer na? ๐Ÿ™‚ Where was I? Oh yeah, spirituality na? ๐Ÿ˜› Tik Shiva came to gori visions mein, during (shall we say) the involuntarily ascetic part of gori’s earlier life na? Gori apparently isn’t allowed to call herself ek Hindu (just like goron laugh at u Southie ‘Catholics’, hate to break it to ya ๐Ÿ˜‰ behind ur back bhi na? Had ek convo with such dost about this awhile back).. until I marry one & get mehri Hindustani citizenship, if then, na? ๐Ÿ˜› Even then, who will take gori to temple & not be freaked out by this na? sigh.. so anyhow… yes Hinduism is actually important to me, not in the cheesy yoga practicioner/white clueless ‘Buddhist’ with a photo of the Dalai Lama in my beat up old Volkwagen bug somewhere on yeh outskirts of Portland who prays for peace but chants for big $$$ bhi at the temple full of goron with ek actual (wow!) Tibetan lama leading yeh yoga class lmao sort of way, but in my own personal entirely non-yoga-related (however sort of inadvertently bahut tantraesque) way ๐Ÿ˜€ Not just Shiva lekin a sort of oddball conglomerate of Hindu deities that will thoroughly confuse Shaivites aur Vaisnavites alike.. u were warned ๐Ÿ˜‰

Gori diyan bhi, hai na? = BG spiritual tradition going on here is paganism/Wicca (aka diyan/’witch’) na? (with a bit of hoodoo thrown in, for good measure) ๐Ÿ˜‰ So… to put Hindu deities on top of that, well, u can imagine that’s a little confusing to most ppl lekin there u go na? (By now r u asking urself if these answers are serious or sirf facetious? Accha! U should be thinking that lekin.. gori bahut truthful person hai na?) Ask all the exes who lied to her ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Back to story:

  • teen) q: ‘Why do u want to marry an Indian guy? Why don’t u like goron (or fill in blank ethnicity)? Isn’t that being superficial? How do you know you’ll want to be with someone just because they have a certain BG blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah barf?’ (Interestingly, gori is most often asked this question by desi yaar themselves, frequently ABCDs or near-ABCDs which she thinks belies an underlying social/romantic/sexual insecurity (collectively lmao) on their part…)

a: gori diyan aur psychic hai na? Gori has been haunted for years by visions of yeh Sri Lumba Kala Sundar.. gori will know yeh yaar when she sees him tik? ๐Ÿ˜‰ In fact, gori has seen a few good examples lately ๐Ÿ™‚ Gori is waiting.. aur he is probably waiting for gori bhi na? ๐Ÿ˜€ So stop asking crap like this! U r the ones (pardesis in particular ahem) who r racist/misogynist, not just against gori lekin ur ‘own’ peeps so.. quit projecting onto gori na? Besides, gori has exes of many different ethnic bgs (aur genders etc) na? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Since the majority of u have virtually NO sexual experience (beyond the virtual kind, wait huh? lol) whatsoever, u shouldn’t be ones to talk.. na? Thought so.. next! ๐Ÿ˜› (Can u tell gori is bahut sick of answering these same DUMB questions? sigh).. onto…

  • char) q: ‘If u’ve had so many problems with desi males before, why are you trying to go out with one again?’

a: Good question! ๐Ÿ˜› First decent question of the bunch. Gori must be diwani diwani na? Who would bother trying something so seemingly pointless (nevermind Sri LKS ideally would also be bisexual, and OUT about it na? sigh sorry closet cases, I have met a few (both whom identify as ‘gay’ aur as the more typical socially-accepable but unmentionable monosexual ๐Ÿ˜‰ identification na?) desis.. way more than ek few.. on either side of the closeted fence from gori.. that’s almost worse that ‘straight but open-minded’ or whatever pointless Amrikan euphemism u peeps use..

That was another digression.. anyhow, mehri future pati ๐Ÿ˜‰ calls.. gori can’t help but keep looking until she finds him. I dunno how to explain it, I’m soooooo sick of looking I’m ready to give up but something (yeh Hindu gods? uh? yeh lack of Mini Cooper? I dunno) propells gori forward. BTW if ur ek crorepati & wanna buy gori ek ghur &/or ek gaadi, & basically lavish attention plus extravagant gifts on her, all the better ๐Ÿ˜€ lmao.. would barely make up for the evil exes u know? If u’ve been forced-married to ek desi urself (in which case I hope ur divorced now na?), I’m sure u do know.. don’t worry, gori is far from being yeh IAP (Indian-Amrikan Princess) na? Lekin she does want her blinged-out custom 2008 Mini Cooper S na? ๐Ÿ˜€ lols…

So in other words, I feel utterly compelled to find yeh ideal desi boy aur retire from all this searching na? Retire kamra mein ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰ na?

  • panch) q: ‘Don’t u know it’s going to be impossible to find ek admi like ur talking about? They don’t exist/no bi (or “gay” in deliberate quotes) ones exist/they will never be able to get past their family issues to be with/marry ek goriji etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc blah blah blah (I love to project my own hopelessness & negativity onto gori since I’m too insecure & spineless to try to get her for myself) blah blah blah?’

a: Uh yeah. I’m sort of VERY f*ing aware of the f*ing evil obstacles imposed by the Borg (Star Trek na?) Eastern extended (read: abuse is de rigeur, all Western psychology concepts that could help us end the abuse cycle are openly ridiculed) ‘family’ model. I hardly call it family. Or respect, or anything else. Basically slavery is a better term, on so many levels for virtually everything in ‘traditional’ desi society that can or can’t additionally be labeled as outright abusive/arrogant/misogynist/racist/casteist or classist, as well, etc.. From these social ills stem a myraid of intense psychological issues for most members of the desi ‘borg’ (gori thinks ‘individual’ would be too strong of a term for many desis), much like a few obvious basics: an actual multi-party political system with equal advertising funding for each group, gun control, real social equality, the ‘defense’ budget being re-appropriated to social services/education/health care plus electric cars could solve Amrika mein aaj na? Of course knowing these things doesn’t really fix them does it? U know that 100th monkey cheez na? To quote gori’s cryptic (yet somehow profound) Tamil villager ex-BF (make half-amused face like ur lecturing ek bachchi): ‘Well…………….?’

First of all, there’s hella queer desis (gori is very surprised when ladkay pretend to not know this).. gori’s intro to desis was via Castro (uh gay community SF mein for the utterly clueless).. plus look at Bollywood na? Arei? Salman hella limp-wristed rani Khan na? ๐Ÿ˜› SRK + Karan Johar (see how p1ssed SRK’s nasty aging facelift biwi looks lately? see all the interviews where Karan says ‘I know Shah Rukh’s moods… I LOVE Shah Rukh’- do yeh maths na?) ๐Ÿ˜€ BTW gori is very khushi about this not-so-hidden Bolly love triangle na? lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

But anyhow, short answer is: ha gori is looking for something that ends up seeming next to impossible HOWEVER she is certain that becuase of the sheer numbers of sexy, marriageable pardesi yaaron having (very thankfully) highly divergent experiences which include growing up in places/family structures FAR removed from yeh Indian Borg model, there is quite a chance for this to work out mathematically in her favor ๐Ÿ˜€ nuf said.. since ultimately, I only need one of u na? (Though a whole orgy’s worth, gori won’t complain).. or one for each day of the week, depending on how u figure it na? lmao ๐Ÿ˜›

  • che) q: ‘Why are you always talking about ur bura diwana ex gori? (Insert implied ‘this is a big no-no to Indian male pride’ silence) Aren’t you ‘over’ him? blah blah etc’

a: Yeh ulloo M1M (mentally ill midget) ek crazy person hai mental illness ko, who is constantly stalking/hacking gori, ruined her online business, her financial well-being & has repeatedly cut off her communication with would be LKSes via the internet (aur phone sometimes too, scarily).. will be happy to explain in detail what gori knows of this person’s skills elsewhere, the more he is mentioned, the more he continues to do this type of weird stuff so it’s better to ignore it as much as possible so as not to encourage him. Sufficeth to say, if you were one of the approx 55+ ppl who seems to have left gori (probably rational, non-harrassing) comments that appeared in the Akismet spam tally on gori’s blog in the last 3 mos, yet ur comment was inaccessible/invisible to gori (which is why u don’t see it here, notice how only weird/harrassing ppl can leave comments? try leaving something nice with more than 2 words & let’s see if they start showing up now).. well, u would then understand what I mean. If you found this page because u got ek CL auto-response from gori’s email directing u here + to questionnaire, this is also why na? = there’s no way for gori to have convo with prospective LKSes via email w/out constant ha3king issues ๐Ÿ˜ฆ When gori posts personals on Craigslist, she frequently gets upward of 200 replies in a week (if the post stays up that long, many times posts are erroneously marked ‘flagged’, frequently before they ever hit the CL search -in other words, yeh post has been posted, but is still in ‘lead time’ before anyone can see it when it is supposedly ‘flagged’ by the peeps who can’t actually see it yet, etc..).. do maths na? Lekin sometimes gori posts & gets NO responses.. a complete impossibility as there is always SOME ulloo calling gori ‘kutti’ or kuch bhi etc.. (talking about regular personal ads, CL rants & raves nahin lol)..

So anyhow, if ur ek non-profit lawyer willing to do pro-bono work, who can also help gori get ek free computer ‘expert’ willing to testify in court, ek psychology expert well-versed in personality disorders to also testify, plus ideally some kind of ‘in’ with yeh FBI, let gori know ๐Ÿ˜€ If, that is, you can contact her ๐Ÿ˜ฆ sigh…

nuf said na?

  • sat) q: ‘Do u wanna ‘hook up’/have NSA sex with me/with mehri biwi in front of me/do kinky stuff etc… pathetic rantings of yeh pent-up losers fill-in here? Here’s my phone # etc..’

a: Despite being ek bahut sexy, liberated, sex-positive (look it up) feminist witch who is bahut bahut accha in bed, plus being bisexual, take a guess at the answer to this one: *h3ll NO!* Gori is looking for ek garam Sri LKS who has enough backbone/intelligence/worldliness/personality to want to get into ek LTR with akon towards shaadi na? Nahin arranged shaadi to someone besides gori! To gori! sigh ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I bet some of u were actually thinking that, weren’t u? sigh ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

However, gori did put up yeh funny April Fools ‘desi ladka orgy chaiye abi’ post on CL once.. lmao.. she then posted yeh lund photos (with accompanying face photos + email addresses, wherever possible) of yeh ulloos FOB/utterly stupid enough to reply to her (there were quite a few lmao) <sigh again> Unlike the vast majority of u, gori has had plenty of sex in one lifetime, & is actually ready to settle down with yeh bahut garam, yummy, committed, very sexily adventurous (WITH GORI TIK? sigh) sanam sirf na? Go play somewhere else, don’t bother gori unless ur serious. See notes on buri comments page about what happens otherwise (buri nizer/Ocean Beach na?) bas:P

Tik gori is tired aaj, it’s New Yaar’s Eve & I wanna start yeh New Yaar correctly, which means doing yeh diyan spell or something more interesting than sitting here typing so.. I’ll add more stuff if/when I think of it.

U were so patient u read all of that na? Try going here now:

Sri LKS questionnaire (click this link!)

It also requires patience, but the gori prize ๐Ÿ˜€ is well worth it ๐Ÿ˜€ Better than stuffed animals at yeh carvinal na? Happy 2008 bhai sahebs! Pyarjis! ๐Ÿ˜€

PS sirf post here (below) if u have (respectful) questions that aren’t answered on yeh page. Otherwise, say nice cheez here: acchi comments page or nasty cheez here: buri comments page. If ur comment doesn’t show up, don’t look at gori- look at ulloo ex sanam referenced above. In lieu of ex crorepati Sri LKS, gori will also gladly take yeh highly-skilled hacker LKS wanting to p0wn the other h3cker mor0n na? Just a thought! See u next yaar! Uh, year! ๐Ÿ˜€


1 Comment»

  Raj wrote @

Ok gori ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m not too shy to ask a question! LOL My question is: if you are searching all over the place for this SLKS, how will you know when you do actually find him? LOL Now you can start your FAQ



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