goriji ;)

Mehri Sri Lumba Kala Sundar kaha hai? lol :P

aap Sri Lumba Kala Sundar hai? take the quiz! :)

Tik jis… here’s the long-awaited:

Naya (New) ‘Are u Sri Lumba Kala Sundar?’ questionnaire! whoo!!

Yeh questionnaire has sirf 10 (approx) questions, & for real hai na? In other words, I’m really looking for mehri new yummy desi yaar partner in kam.. er kamray.. aur zindagi bhi na? (metlab: in s*x, in bed.. in life! <– just so u Southies can’t pretend later u didn’t know what gori was asking for, lol)…

Or, here’s a link to the new questionnaire without a pop-up😉

Be sure to only fill it out if ur willing to give ur cell or other phone number (over a secure server lol) + a link to an online photo of yourself🙂 Otherwise, u can take the hecka long quiz below for fun… or do it the old-fashioned way- come introduce urself at mehri cafe meets!🙂

Here’s a set of 4 vids (tik it was really do vids, ek long, ek short lekin it got divided up na?) that talk about yeh questionnaire, dating gori aur related cheez na?🙂

Naya questionnaire prelim results (last updated 6/16/08)..

tik, even though my CL post was hacked repeatedly😦 looks like some yaar are still finding the naya questionnaire via mehri blog aur revver vids.. so, as of this evening, there are 12 responses so far, lekin almost all stopped responding at yeh 2nd page na?:\ after all the hacker activity, this is a bit suspcious, although yeh questionnaire has been tested & does work. If u answered further & don’t see ur code word below, have a heart & come to the cafe meet to tell gori so I know about the hack, or at the very least, take yeh questionnaire again na? It takes like 2 mins anyhow😛

So hmm… remember u can always meet gori directly at yeh cafe if ur too shy to give me ur phone # & a link to a pic of u (required in naya questionnaire)…

Naya questionnaire secret word list:

hope (psst, yaar ur phone # didn’t come through so please go back & add it or re-start the questionnaire tik hai?)🙂 shukriya😀

The questionnaire below is now the ‘old’ one (it’s supposed to be funny/sarcastic, but it’s also loooooonnnngggggg).. lekin most of the attention will be shifting to the naya questionnaire aaj..

Below this line is the link to the old questionnaire & lotsa stuff that’s gonna be updated soon!

Be sure to check out my Revver vids!🙂 if u want to find out everything under the sun about gori na?🙂

**************************************************

Do u think gori’s photos garam hai na? Have u actually read anything on her blog (so u know she’s bahut intelligent bhi?) U think u got what it takes to be Sri Lumba Kala Sundar ki gori? Then click here:

Aap Sri Lumba Kala Sundar hai na? take yeh quiz! (this is the purani (old)/very long quiz, new one is at top of page!)

Tik jis.. gori realized her blog is basically without ek premise.. u know in Bolly filim how they have the stupid side character (parent/police officer/co-worker/best dost/kuch bhi of SRK or yeh other superstar) come in & say something really incredibly overly-obvious like they are talking a bit too loud & to the camera, something like ‘Well you know, Raj, when your dadiji’s aunt’s dog died in that horrible accident & we took you in as ek orphan na, we had NO IDEA you would live to become yeh first aeronautic brain surgeon specialist in all of Punjab & make us SO proud’ or yeh other sala kutta cheez na? Lekin of course it’s actually ‘needed’ (lmao) to move the plot (again lmao) of yeh filim forward na? Well this is the same😛

(psst: if u want to take yeh ‘are u Sri LKS?’ quiz without reading yeh long narrative below, click here:

Are u Sri LKS? Click here to find out!🙂 (old quiz)

..however, u will miss the thrilling plot below.. also u will miss the instructions for what to do when u get stuck (also below, waaay at bottom after gori yells at goray ulloos who keep trying to take yeh survey/questionnaire/kuch bhi).. don’t forget that u can give more than 1 answer if the thingy is square, vs. round (arei, kya gori?) lol.. u’ll figure it out.. back to earlier rant:)

So without further digression, yeh entire reason gori started yeh choti blog is of course that yeh ulloo MIM (mentally ill midget) desi ex/once-fiance’ who is a computer hacker was ruining gori’s ability to talk to her throngs of desi yaar admirers Craigslist mein😉 by sabotaging her email communication with them in ways both overt & subtle (as well as somehow nuking no less than 4 of her cell phones.. long story but if u don’t believe me, ask gori’s married admi (formerly non-believing) dost who had his phone messed with bhi lol- don’t worry, it was awhile ago lols).. but I digress despite myself lol😛 ..so basically all of this disintegrated into gori posting in frustration in the ‘rants & raves’ section of Craigslist, because it seemed much more difficult for her posts to be ‘flagged’/hacked from there (bizarrely, at least for awhile lol), which led to her seeking ek way to speak (at least one-way) with yeh yaar by starting this blog, figuring they could at least leave comments back to her, only to find that to date (like kya, 8 weeks into activity on yeh blog) there are around 45+ ‘spam’ comments, all but 8 of which never showed up for gori to view & reject/approve, so it looks like ulloo MIM maybe found a way to use ek bot to make some Hindi words into Akismet spam flags or ??? who TF knows.. that then in turn are not visible to gori for unknown reasons.. lekin we’re not gonna comment further but let’s just say yeh MIM is supernaturally good at hacking & doesn’t get any more air time here..

Back to story.. so billi ka gori yeh kamra chel mein abi aur boliye ‘So THEN GORI, we had NO IDEA when you left that monster who used to yell & scream & tried to break down the door of ur apartment no less than teen times (who would then help fix the lock later when his less-schizophrenic personality returned to visit) that you would have SUCH A DIFFICULT TIME😉 finding tumhara sapna Sri LKS future pati (who of course will be kind, loving, faithful, sexy, tall aur basically everything that ulloo could never be)😉 on account of yeh MIM stalking u & messing with u for this long! Damn!’ Tik there’s a bunch more to yeh story phir gori doesn’t have enough time to write yeh 3 hour filim plot aaj so just to say:

Ur garam, ur Southie (or kala in some sense at least), ur hopefully lumba.. ur desi (or South Asian of some sort) so goes w/out saying ur bahut sundara na? ..aur well, if ur Southie (esp Tamil, or Sri Lankan, or even Fijian (yeh ‘other’ Sri LKS na?))😉 u probably don’t speak gori’s style of Hinglish lekin.. here is your chance! (BTW if you don’t follow mehri Hinglish u can now show that u aren’t ek Bharat Rakshak-obsessed militant Hindu wanna-be Southie separartist like gori’s Tamil villager yaar Mini Cooper deposit-stealing ex, by actually stooping to read yeh Hinglish u usually pretend to not understand, or in an emergency, asking yeh desi in the next cube (to ur left.. lmao, meant as a joke but oh so true) to translate yeh questionnaire na?😉 If ur so FOB u can’t follow the parts gori actually did write in Angrezi-speak, u can ask yeh goron in the next cube (to ur right- lmao again) for help na?) Let’s all pull together & translate this mess for the truly garam masti Sri LKSes who are out there & need to connect badly to gori abi na jis?😀 ..gori was gonna do yeh separate version of yeh questionnaire entirely English mein, but the darn ‘skip logic’ on the 1st 2 pages alone was bahut bahut confusing so sorry, only ek language version, faux Mumbaiya Hinglish mein na? = everyone can understand, or at least everyone + their cube-mates😛

Back to story again.. gori needs yeh sexy Sri LKS to have garam masti nashah-u-name-it with every day forever😛 Or at least ek few accha yaaron to go on dates with or something😉 If ur crorepati & want to redeem yeh bura karma of ur counterparts by purchasing gori her bahut custom, hella tricked out 2008 Mini Cooper for her Xmas day birthday (approaching fast), all the better lols😀 Dostay accha hai bhi (=friends are a good thing too na?) Oh yeah, aur if u happen to be bi bhi (bisexual, nahin just ‘bhai’ lol) & open about it (nahin closeted na?) + somewhat queer-identified (like gori! yey!)- u’ll move directly to the front of the line, or get like 1000000 bonus points or something na?😀 At any rate, let er rip! May the best (or at least most persistent, detail-oriented na?) desi win!🙂

Oh yeah, & check back here for aggregate (aka anonymous) & undoubtedly pretty funny results after the aftermath of yeh monstrous retail Christmas mess gori is still mopping up! Be sure to complete it soon, questionnaire has been extended for January sirf (only)! Pyar!😀

Are u Sri Lumba Kala Sundar? take the survey!😀 (old questionnaire, new is at top of page yaar!)

Tik jis, gori is more khushi than she was earlier😉 to say 45 peeps tried quiz so far, quite a few completed na? (small problem: many of u aren’t desi, & in fact are goron… we need to review this, below this list..)

Secret code word list:

Avulsion

Chak De Phatte

Desicouples

Dreamer Boy

hamfist

jpsurf69

Manamana

Refis

Smoke KUSH

srkomshantiom😉

Without naming any *names* ahem! goron (that’s white guys ok?) are DISQUALIFIED AUTOMATICALLY!!! This is ek questionnaire for desis (SOUTH ASIANS lol).. nahin questionnaire 4 gori to date ‘the man’ na? sigh.. u peeps can’t even *read or understand the context of* the questionnaire properly roflmao- whyTF are u trying? lols.. & sorry, saying ur ‘Scandinavian descent’ will probably work better on desi ladkiya who dream about Switzerland, of all absurdly middle-class, utterly boring destinations, not gori who is part Welsh/Scots/Irish/English/Dutch/French/German herself! Ugg! If I want to date stupid white males, I’ll just scan mehri choochay & leave the Xerox in the copier at work with mehri cell # na? lols.. Plus Latin boyz: yeh Amrikan kala (black guys) probably have a better chance than u because they’re at least closer to gori’s ideal color range.. aur btw (to everyone): gori can see when u put stuff like ‘I’m just taking this questionnaire cause I’m bored.. I just want a b/j’ even AFTER u think u erased it tik?😛 Or my personal fave ‘I’m trying to decide if I should LET YOU TALK TO ME?’ (wtf bahut bahut ugly goron se- real answer- whyTF did u bother going back through & filling the whole thing out yaar? U ain’t desi, gori ain’t reading.. not before or after she sees that type of nastiness!) Hai Ram!😛 Ppl who put they are ‘medium brown’ when ur really ek gora, THEN put ur photo.. ur tempting gori to do very mean things on CL she’s just not gonna do… sirf cause the photo in question was of some Hell’s Angels-looking yaar, gori doesn’t want to get beat up tik?😛 lmao.. glad to know mein sooo saphed trash😉 hoon that this is whom I attract.. lols.. nahin!😛

Abi, let’s review something English mein na? (HINT: IF U AREN’T SOUTH ASIAN (or something CLOSELY related- & LEGITIMATELY SINGLE btw!) BUT HAVE ANY LEVEL OF INVOLVEMENT WITH THE QUESTIONNAIRE, READ THIS): Gori is looking for a desi guy. Desi is a word that mean ‘countryman’ (more or less) to ppl from South Asia, specifically India. Now, just ’cause gori chose to keep an accidental loophole in her questionnaire (because some ppl who are still hot/yummy but don’t fit neatly into the South Asian ethnic identity (FOR EXAMPLE: SOMEONE WHO IS PART SOUTH ASIAN, or of SOUTH ASIAN DESCENT, LIKE FROM SINGAPORE OR FIJI FOR EXAMPLE AHEM!) might need to use that loophole to get back into the main body of the questionnaire- this does NOT (I repeat!) mean it is meant for ppl who are basically not related to this identity & who don’t know anything about the culture etc.. I mean, u can put hecka energy into trying to fill it out, but gori isn’t reading it so it’s just an exercise in stupidity for you ok?😀

To continue: the reason why there’s enough English in the questionnaire that semi-intelligent/somewhat conniving straight males of gori’s racial affiliation can get through it is that gori is hoping to meet someone who is: (try to figure this out, Angrezis!) Lumba Kala Sundar… this means: tall, dark, handsome! k? Now to gori, ‘dark’ means like in the range most Americans would associate with African Americans (or better yet, Africans)🙂 In other words, it’s statistically more likely that someone who meets gori’s criteria😉 would come from the South of India (don’t confuse this with South Asia, which is the entire region of India & related countries such as Bangladesh, Burma (‘Myanmar’), Nepal, Sri Lanka, what should be Tibet, whatever other countries I’m forgetting since gori is typing hella fast, & begrudingly on the part of most desis, Pakistan)😉 -which, for the totally ignorant, was part of India until ‘Partition’, which basically consisted of a bunch of stupid ppl dividing up the country based on religious beliefs without any regard to the fact that they were (to cite one example) slicing the historial region of Punjab in two, thus creating mass violence/chaos/only partially successful forced exodus of Punjabis (mainly Sikhs) across suddenly appearing border lines.. wait. Ur goron na? U already left to gawk @ gori’s photos some more, didn’t u? So forget it😛

Point being white (& other non-desi) guys, that people from the South of India basically have a historical beef with people who are (in part, in effect) descended waaaaayyy back from invasions of people entering the North of India, including early Moslem invaders (to translate for the Latinos in the house: sort of like Norteo/Sureno.. sorry I don’t have a tilda lol), and as such, some peeps dislike Hindi (the ‘official’ language of India, which is mostly spoken in the North) even more than they hate the British (their former oppressors), so they basically learn English in school, not Hindi, along with their own language(s)- Tamil & Telugu are two major examples of South India languages. Btw these aren’t dialects, but entirely separate languages with totally different alphabet types (believe me, gori has been trying to learn them) so there’s no way to really understand it. Not like Spanish/French/Italian or something ok? So gori has to put lots of English in the questionnaire ok? NOT FOR U, for Sri Lumba Kala Sundar who, as u can now see, is a sexy, hot, tall, dark yummy rich Mercedes-driving (lmao) long-wiggly haired dream guy from South India, or Singapore or Fiji or who cares.. the point is, HE AIN’T U, goray!😀

<sigh>

There’s gonna be a detailed but anonymous (lucky for some of u😉 analysis of the questionnaire results coming soon to this space. Btw, gori extended the questionnaire through January! So get to filling it out na?

Are u Sri LKS ji? Click here to find out!🙂 (old version of questionnaire)

Finally, some helpful instructions: if you get stuck on the same page or in a loop, try READING yeh instructions at top of each questionnaire page na? It’s designed this way if you don’t answer questions fully (if ur stuck on the same page, look for sarcastic gori comments in red atop each question u f*cked up), or if you answer yeh do most important (yet very simple) gori questions at the beginning wrong (hint: if u see kuttay chodwalas, u gave yeh wrong answer na?) U can go back & change ur answers all the way til the end. Easy na? Hurry! Poor gori is cold at nite & needs her garam Sri LKS to warm her up.. bed mein na? tee hee😀

PS don’t worry if the percent completed bar at the bottom is progressing slowly.. it’s only gonna say ur at like 60-something % right before u finish. Don’t ask gori, she didn’t write the code na?😉

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